Worthiness is one of the most challenging values to adopt...

Many of us have our sense of worth wrapped up in old wounds: 'I am only worthy if I am quiet, pretty, clever, sexy, chaste, rich, ripped, bubbly, popular, slim, big-breasted, small-waisted, outgoing, unique (but not too different), outspoken (but not with controversial opinions), confident (but not braggy), successful (but not showy), desirable (but neither a frigid nor a sl*t)' and so on.

These soul-limiting beliefs are deeply ingrained in us from our earliest days. The days we cried for our mama's breast, and tried to build friendships in the school yard, and had our hearts broken in our teens, and got rejected by our first-choice universities, and were told repeatedly what everyone else's expectations were for us before we were asked, "What do you desire for yourself?"

***

Here are my favourite 9 Ways To Boost A Sense Of Self-Worth:

1) Ask your loved ones to create a list of your best attributes! This is a scary one, which is why we do it first. Their answers are allowed to be based on physical, mental, emotional, intellectual, interpersonal, creative, financial values and MORE. Ask them to dive deep and tell them that you are working on boosting your sense of self-worth. The people that really love you will be more than happy to help.

2) While your loved ones make their lists, make your own as well. Maybe you are a loving mother, a hard-working employee, a peaceful presence, really well-organized, full of creative ideas or have a bangin' butt. Write it all down. No compliment is too tiny or silly to give to yourself.

3) Combine the two lists into a collection of affirmations. Beginners can use the affirmation-starter of 'I am' or 'I have', while those who are a little more practiced can create slightly wordier affirmations if it suits. Remember, even if you don't believe these affirmations just yet, you must write them in the present tense and follow the 'fake-it 'til you make it' mentality on these. Words become reality, which is why Tony Robbins refers to affirmations instead as 'incantations'. When you have your list of affirmations, use them regularly. You will find the best way which works for you: some people like to repeat these affirmations ten times in the morning while looking in the mirror, others like to jot them down in journals in the same way as we would write 'lines' in school, while a few prefer to audio record themselves reciting these affirmations so that they can listen to them in meditation or before bedtime. They only work if you use them!

4) 'Pay' yourself first: ask yourself what you need and desire, then grant it. You are worthy of having your needs and desires met, so one of the primary way we can boost a sense of self-worth is by taking action and doing the things. Maybe you need a nap, a nutritious meal, or a walk in nature. Put yourself ahead of the 'to-do's' meeting other people's needs. You can't pour from an empty cup, so scheduling self-care into your diary first is so important.

5) Connect with your body. In this day and age, we are coached to believe that our natural body, face, skin, hair etc is the obstacle to our sense of worthiness. This simply isn't true: we are all born worthy and nothing has changed since then aside from our own perception. So look in the mirror, give yourself a massage, dance, stretch, workout, walk, masturbate, wash, rest, nourish and make love. You deserve it.

6) Try something different. Stepping outside of our comfort zone and pursuing a passion, talent or interest is a beautiful way for us to allow our purest self (she who is ALWAYS worthy) to step forth. It may mean attending a new book club, signing up for a yoga studio membership, or joining a team... It actually doesn't matter what it is, as long as the thought of going lights you up and has you feeling ever-so-slightly nervous, it will do the trick.

7) Stop soul-limiting beliefs in their tracks. When you hear that Inner B*tch coming forward with insults or old stories which you'd rather let go of, call her out. I literally say out loud now, "Intrusive thought, away with you!" which makes me giggle, but it actually works. Labelling the thought as being unhelpful and hence dismissing it on the spot has been a super-useful technique for me. Some of those thoughts stick around for longer, so when they do, ask yourself, "Is there evidence to the contrary?" Focus on listing the evidence rather than perpetuating the thought (eg. Inner B*tch says, "You're rubbish at everything you try!" so Inner Illuminator says, "That's not true: you secured that job, you raised that child, you prepared that meal, you created that event, you arranged that birthday gift. You're not rubbish at everything you try. Intrusive thought, away with you! *insert giggle*").

8) Forgive yourself. Argh, this one goes deep and this is where many tears may be shed. We can beat ourselves up for infinitely longer than we would with someone else when we make a mistake. If you cheated on your partner, said the wrong thing, gossiped about someone else, fudged up that report at work, overspent on the credit cards, missed that appointment, or made that life-altering decision that you wish you could go back and change... I want you to take a deep breath and bring your Inner Nurturer forward. Let her hold you and remind you that we are always just doing out best, and that mistakes are arrows to help us lead by example and choose a better path in the future. This isn't to justify the mistake we made, but it's to set ourselves free with true judgement-free, compassionate forgiveness.

9) And throughout all of the above? Go to therapy or commit to therapeutic practices. I started going to group therapy last October following a break-up, and to be honest, I realised then that I probably should have been in therapy since I was 18 years old. Not because I have a whole host of capital-T-Traumas, but because I strongly believe that everyone deserves a safe space in which to work out their sh*t. Fortunately, I was using therapeutic practices since my early 20's like yoga, meditation, journaling, women's circles and learning which saw me through until that point. Whether you choose, make sure it is geared towards what you're working on, create a specific plan around it, and put something in place for accountability (eg. committing to showing up in-person for 10 weeks, journaling after your sessions, getting a friend to join you etc).

***

I want to add at this point, that so many of us perpetuate these same glass ceilings on future generations by only making time for our kids when they are 'being good', or letting them hear us say, "Who does she think she is?!", or see us distancing ourselves from people who are rising above and actually possess a sense of self-worth.

When we see someone else making a dream come true by packing up and taking a trip, or quitting their job to pursue self-employment, or declaring their desire to find someone to partner for life, can we take this as a lead for us to follow, rather than a cage which tells us that because they can, we can't?

The brave souls that make steps towards manifesting a life they will love are doing so not because they have no self-worth hang-ups... They are doing it in spite of them. And it is likely that they are freaking terrified every step of the way. Scared to fail, or of being judged, or of someone pointing at them and saying, "You aren't enough of anything good, and you're too much of everything bad... How dare you think that you deserve this. You are not worthy."

They are standing in the fire though, and allowing their soul-limiting beliefs to be burnt to an ash so that the phoenix of their future may rise and inspire us all.

It's time for us all to take a leaf from their books and believe that we are worthy: let's step into the flames together and let it burn, baby.

With grace and grit,

Gabriella x